The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
