tell your sister to shave her snatch
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
