Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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