I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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