I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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