Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
