I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
