he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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