Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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