Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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