I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
