i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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