I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
