Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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