Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
