In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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