I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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