Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
