Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
