1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
