I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
