She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
