Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
