I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
