At least make sure they are 18
Why
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
