I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
