Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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