This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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