I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
