I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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