You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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