Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
