I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
