i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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