sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
