Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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