A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
