I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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