oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
