I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
