I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
