I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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