some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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