so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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