at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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