I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
