Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
