i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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