did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
