Having a random hookup so left but love u
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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