you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
sex in a hospital.. check
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
