let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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